AGONIZING ferberizing and baby-wising...

Ok, I feel like I have to preclude this particular blog and my upcoming ones with the warning that this will be of absolutely no interest to anyone who isn't or hasn't had to put a baby to sleep before. I know, I never have time to blog, so there must be something in it for me, this time, right? Right. I need to know from all my mommy friends how they think I'm doing, how they did, etc. I know, wasn't I supposed to do this when Anderson was 3 months old or something? But, alas, I enjoyed rocking my baby and singing him my repertoire of bluegrass hits till he was blue in the face or at least asleep and holding him even a little after he'd fall asleep.* Sorry for the run-on sentence there, but it is a good illustration of why our nap and bedtime rituals have had to come to a screeching (and sobbing and wailing) halt. They started to just run on and on. The boy could stare out the window, at a quilt, even at the white walls for a very long time. I would have been through 4 Christmas Carols, 3 bluegrass songs and the traditional Eidelweiss and "It is Well" and he'd still be awake. So, at first it was a matter of convenience for me. Then it occurred to me that in less than 3 weeks, we'll be having our second child who will probably need fed, changed, and other life-sustaining activities performed for him or her. And Anderson's afternoon on Momma's lap will not be an option. So instead of him thinking its the other baby's fault or that we like it more, I figured I should help him learn to fall asleep by himself now rather than later. Also, I decided along with the new way of going to sleep, we'd eliminate the morning nap altogether making it more likely for him to be ready to sleep by 1. He definitely displays signs of tiredness around his usual naptime of 9 a.m., but we just keep going. Talk about running out of ideas for what to do with a 1 year old. Today I finally called some people with kids and convinced them either to come see us or let us come over during the morning time. I have relied way too heavily on Youtube's Wiggles selection and its ruining my headspace...last night Jesse and I were having an intimate moment on the couch and we both confessed that we had "Fruit Salad...Yummy, Yummy!!!" going through our heads.

So, I officially started yesterday, and this is how it's gone so far, as recorded in my written journal:

January 12, 2009 (Anderson's 15 month birthday!!!) Afternoon nap, around 1 p.m.
I waited first 3 minutes then went in and comforted him and then five minutes and went in and brought his 'womb sounds' teddy bear, but without it being turned on. I thought I'd go back in 10 minutes but right around 10, he was settling down and I diddn't want to get him started again. I can't decide fi going in just gives him false hope or makes him know I'm around and provides security. It was just hard because after only 2 oz milk in a bottle and 2 songs he was almost asleep on my lap (in his usual facing-out position across the pregnant belly) but I didn't want him to fall asleep on me* so I laid him in his crib and just as I was about to lay him in, he cried... so a total of 25 minutes, I think it took for him to cry himself to sleep. I guess this is how you do it, but it sucks. It just doesn't seem fair to expect him to 'get himself to sleep' when I've been doing for 15 months. But it will be virtually impossible for him to get to sleep if I have to do it around our next baby's schedule...This is excruciating and nauseating --Jesse's saw woke up the baby and now we're starting over getting him to sleep. I went in and his face was soaked with tears. So I patted his back and touched his face probably for about 5 minutes and then left and as soon as I got up to leave, he started crying again. It seems like he's saying "WHY???!!!" And I don't know what to do. It was 2:35 when I left the room. I'll go back in 5 min. He already seems to be calming down but I think I still hear him. I still hate going back and getting his hopes up. I guess I need to find my books an really pore over them and seeif I can learn something. Well, he was asleep again at 2:40. He woke up crying around 3:20 and I just decided naptime would be over then. I was so glad to just hold him and he fell asleep for a few minutes in my arms but I knew he needed to stay up til bedtime, so I brought him out to see Jesse and he reached for his daddy as soon as he saw him.

Bedtime, 7:45 p.m.
I read to him with him on my lap, starting at 7:12. We'd already had dinner and a warm bath and even a little bit of a warm shower, which always makes him yawn, and then animal crackers and a little milk. He doesn't like drinking milk from a sippy cup because he associates it with going to sleep. He only wants it in a bottle and when he's sleepy. Thus, my hesitancy to get rid of the bottle right now. Next time I will not have the bottle visible at all during reading time because the whole time he just kept pointing to it and whining for it and not enjoying the reading at all. I gave in and gave it to him (only 2 oz, since I knew he wasn't actually needing the milk for nutritional purposes) and then read some more. He actually looks at the pictures of the little board book version of 'Just in Case You Ever Wonder' by Max Lucado. He seems really comforted by it. I've been reading it to him since he was born and we happened to get it at the same garage sale we found our bassinett at. He was still fussy, though and kept pointing to the empty bottle, so I gave in and gave him 4 oz more. After the last bottle and some singing, he was almost asleep so I carried him to his crib, already protesting. I left from 8:35-8:40 and went back and touched, kissed, rubbed his face and started praying over him aloud. He collapsed onto his blanket and tried to go to sleep with me there, seemingly comforted by at least that. Then I left before his eyes were closed, thinking I don't want him to need me HERE to fall asleep. Immediate crying again. While I was awaiting that 5 minutes to pass, I happened to find the "Cry It Out Trauma" heading in What to Expect the Toddler Years and rushed back in to him. The article said that particular baby was horrified at even the mention of a nap or sleep and that had happened after having to 'cry it out' and their advice for that mother was to just stay with her but not to pick her up so that she gets over her fear more gradually. I was ecstatic this was ok w/ them and decided to do it. This time, though, although I stayed doing my usual touching, caressing, patting mommy stuff, he just stood and looked out over his packnplay almost as if he was so deliriously frightened that he was looking for someone else besides me. Also, he may have thought I would just leave as soon as he laid down again, as I had previously done. He's a smart boy, people. Finally, when I turned on the 'womb-sounds' bear he fell down beside it and after two times of sitting up to see that I was still there, he stayed laying beside the bear and let me rub his back til he fell asleep--probaby no more than 3 minutes.

January 13, 2009
Fell asleep in car around 12:10 p.m. on way back from dropping Jesse off at work and going to the park for 10 minutes. Stayed asleep, even as I got him out of the car and laid him in his crib. I kinda got off easy this time, although, I don't want this to be the habit by any means. He didn't officially have lunch, even, just some triscuits and cheese around 11:15, intended to hold him over. It is 2:15 and he's still asleep. I am so not looking forward to tonight and maybe should have spent some time looking for our copy of Babywise during this naptime but I really wanted to have some opinions/advice on this subject as soon as possible. So, I'll keep everyone posted!