So much to say, So much to say.

Today had a lot of people in it.

Squishy Berea, happy to be grabbed and held first thing in the morning. Eager to run with me Natalie. Helpful Jesse. Ray who cried a little bit when he tried to tell me how much Linda loves me. Linda. Dressed up, sweet, kind woman who said I looked pretty. And all those amazing faces at the Women's brunch. Lara Macfarlan, with the articulation of a Senator's wife, for sure. And Vicky Dees. Vicky Dees. Vicky Dees. 250,000 have visited her blog already and you should find out why. Denise Cerda, my super-sweet, super-young friend from Wal-Mart. Oh, before that, Amanda from Amandromeda.

Also, I had two coats with me at once today while hanging out with myself. What is THAT about?

Then lots of people I checked out at Walmart. Then Renee...who I'm pretty sure just escaped a Flannery O'Connor short story. I can't tell you her stories, but those are the ones that really filled me up. I am exhausted, but I just wanted you to know I have stories and they're so good. Everyone around has better stories than they think.

Also, I think Christmas was a bit more private, when it actually happened, with Baby Jesus and all, than it is now...everyone talking about what they got and who they got it for...

This was eventually about Christmas.

you know how the top of the Mocha always tastes the best? i usually don't even add sugar til my whipped cream's gone. and i try, try, try to make it last but usually it's gone 1/4 of the way down. So. This blog post will not be like that. You will probably not notice you've enjoyed it til it's almost gone.

I wrote this the week after Thanksgiving.

so I was thinking about Christmas and how small it was, when it happened. I was on a run and it was cold and warm at the same time and raining and totally accosted at everyone's sudden throwing up of their outside Christmas decor in a matter of 24 hours, it seemed. And really i love the lights and all the shiny and all the nostalgia and all the color and all the unfounded cheerfulness that Christmas brings. I totally perused Walmart's Christmas section AS it was being installed. Lingered. But what occurred to me this morning was that the birth of Y'shua was completely Unobtrusive. "No room here? Fine. We got this." And BAM, all the hosts of heaven (probably millions of millions, like all of China in Angels or something) make an appearance. So, I see this tension...most of earth ignoring his humble arrival and Heaven doing exactly as Heaven always does. And fastforward to today, to right here in my little town, my little world, what I feel around me: such an intentional re-creation of the Glory that the Angels shared in that we kind of take up all the space in a room, too, and seriously, the baby and family and vulnerability of God goes unnoticed. Of course, Heaven always worships. And maybe, if you're out just tending your sheep or really really really seeking Truth, we might get to prepare ourselves a bit and bring whatever our best is. Dangit. This blog is so the opposite of what I meant to convey.

Unobtrusive. That is all. And I just want all my "celebrating," all my changing of the decor in my house, all my gift-giving or making and all my 'holiday baking' ... all of that to be in that same spirit of just taking up the space that's necessary, that's available. just being what you need to be to those who are humble enough to receive.

i am still trying to get my head wrapped around this. i just know that generally it all feels like "too much" and still not enough. i like a good party. i love a pretty room. i love love love so many Christmas carols, its not even funny. Obtrusive Aside: if you haven't discovered Sufjan's Christmas album, you should. But somehow, I think Christmas should be some continuation of business-as-usual for the Christian, definitely a re-set, a "hey, THIS is why we do this stuff! Look at how our God declared 'good will to men'...look at how the most random folks were a part of the big story..." but not a giant attempt at making up for all the selfishness from the rest of the year...That's His job. And our Gift.

Also, it occurred to me that He probably did not mean for His birth or the celebration thereof to make anyone feel 'poor-er'...which is the phenomenon I have observed. In myself, too. The pressure to have a "Good Christmas." I think if He wanted us to feel that He would've definitely gotten a room at the Inn, probably the nicest one, and only the wise men with the nice presents would've been allowed to see Him. But the angels invited the Shepherds who were just doing their regular graveyard shift. So, Christmas Epiphany (pun intended): Come, get close to God, while He gets close to you. Sacrifice and offering He does not require. Just whatever Him being there, suddenly, is doing to you...that's what He wants...

Will Run for Food

So, I've been thinking. I really love food. And I really hate diets. And I'm getting fat. And the only thing I've ever been any good at in the exercise realm is running. One foot in front of the other, go as slow as you want, just keep going and enjoy the scenery. I used to run around Lake Fayetteville a lot. Once I did it three times in a row and several times I did it twice in a row. I don't know, I guess I had a lot on my mind then. I probably didn't have kids, come to think of it. But I am sick of using that as an excuse. I have a double jogging stroller and I'm not afraid to sue it. So...

I really want to do a marathon. I hear talk of it among my friends and wonder, just wonder, who out there is the socially-motivated type and would do it, if they had, say a pack of girls to do it with? I've decided being an individual is totally overrated. Being with people that THINK you're an individual, now that's where its at ... No, really, I am just a highly-social animal and I'm just sayin', wouldn't it be easier to do something this hard with some other people you could complain about how hard it was, to? But still go out and practice together and stuff.

Also, I really want to memorize something from the Bible because...I hear it makes Scripture come alive to you, when its such a part of you like that, and it makes sense. So, I was thinking. Marathon...Philippians...lots of allusions to 'running the race,' etc...

So, as I pictured our climactic ending which is what you're supposed to do with your 'better stories' you've imagined for yourself, I pictured a lot of girls wearing the same t-shirt, running for the same cause, memorizing Philippians along the way. Wouldn't that be FUN?!!!

Now I just need to pick a "Cause."

Zee Bebes

Time for an update on the babies.

Berea is giving kisses. Leaning in and opening her mouth wide and just touching her lips to whatever part of your face is near. With me, she likes to incorporate the occasional nibble, but that's cool. A second ago she kissed Anderson for the first time.

Their interactions have been pretty sweet, lately. She also grabbed his hand and held on, and he held on and said, "She touch my hand!" He seems to be realizing, along with the rest of us, that she is a little person with initiatives all her own.

Last night she may or may not have said, "Da-dee." We were saying it over and over to her and then it sounded like she said it. Of course she knows who everyone is and looks at them when we say their names to her. She actually says Momma but that's usually precluding a fit for nursing. She just now said "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" to the cat after the cat tried to bite her. A little wordsmith, she is.

Anderson has begun calling us "Jesse" and "Tee-Teen" on occasion. We're not sure how we feel about that. Also, he has begun requesting his jacket before going to sleep at night. "I want my jacket!" He calls, after being tucked in. Wakes up with it still all zipped up. He begins most sentences with "I want" or "I need" these days. Who doesn't?

New Year. New Name. So There.

I want to be a better blogger. Donald Miller says you have to want something to make a better story. So I want something that will tell my better story, better, and hopefully that will make a better story in the end...

My friend Sara Neufeld is the best blogger. It's because all her blogs contain at least one simple story from her actual life. And she always includes a picture.

My mom and I went to Jay, OK last Tuesday. I usually hate that drive, but the gray, expanse of poverty that is Eastern Oklahoma, was finally bearable with her there, telling me stories of her life and the people in her life that are somehow in my life now. She is a really great story teller. One of her stories was about my biological half sister Sara and half brother Shane. (I hadn't seen my mom in 28 years and had no memory of her at all...she found my aunt on Facebook the day after my 31st birthday...the rest is too much for parenthesis).

So, back to the story within the story within the blog.

Shane was around 9, she said, and was at the store to spend some birthday money. He, being a very intentional 9-year old was deliberating over which toy to buy: something big or several somethings small...and, after about 5 minutes of waiting for her brother to walk in a direction, Sara plops down in the aisle, takes out 5 of her brother's Hot Wheels from her little girl purse and plays. Wish I had a picture for that.

But, I do have a picture of my Mother playing with my daughter in the Jay McDonald's.

We both ordered regular coffees, since the Espresso machine was being cleaned (happens between 2-3pm, if you're ever in Jay!). I like 4 creamers, 4 Splendas. She opted for 3 creamers, and only 1 Splenda, just to give it a try. And cookies! McDonald's has cookies now!